January 2010
28 posts
2 tags
Did you hear about the blonde that stared at an...
Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
3 tags
Billing
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”“I give it to them,” replied the...
2 tags
14 Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it’s better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.3. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 5. Taxis stop for us. 6. Men die earlier, so we get to...
2 tags
The tremendous fight!
One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief were began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so...
2 tags
Sitting in the back seat
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to...
2 tags
Only when drunk
A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, “Do you know that you were speeding?” The man replies, “No sir, I didn’t know I was speeding.” The man’s wife then yells, “Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I’ve been telling you to slow down for miles.” “SHUT UP!” the man says to...
2 tags
How long have I got?
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?” “Ten,” the...
2 tags
How to use the machine?
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. “Need some help?” a secretary, walking by, asked. “Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?” “Simple,” she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. “Thanks, but where do the copies come out?” Posted via email from...
2 tags
Why didn't you keep him?
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. “Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.” Little Johnny asked,...
2 tags
Won't open the damn store
It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and...
2 tags
You must be a manager
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You...
3 tags
Funny English
Jeppiar is the chairman of Satyabhama Engineering College, Chennai, India. He is very famous among his college students for his funny english. Enjoy a few of these hilarious english sentences. And please note that these were really spoken at some point of time!!!!!Warning: These are extemely funny and u might burst into laughter, so be careful....
2 tags
Change for a reward!
A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, “Hmm… That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time...
2 tags
Happiest hour of my life
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t talk for an hour?” The hubby replied: “Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.” Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
How do you confuse a blonde girl?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner! Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
A blind guy's mistake
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutelyquiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.”“The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I’m a 6’ tall, 200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What’s...
2 tags
Aal izz well...
Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
I think...
In a bathroom in New York somewhere, if you tell a lie you disapear. A Brunette walks into the bathroom. “I am the Hottest girl in New York!” POOF she disappeared. A red headed girl walks into the bathroom. “I am the smartest girl in New York!!” POOF she disappeared. A blonde walks in the bathroom. “I Think…” POOF she disappears. Posted via email ...
2 tags
GM vs Microsoft
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself): If GM...
2 tags
Value of artist after death
An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” she said. “The good news is that some guy inquired if it would appreciate in value after you died. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”“And the bad news?” “The guy was your doctor.” Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
New Lawyer
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.As the...
2 tags
8 Funny pics defining extreme laziness
Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
Only three doors
A flight captain was preparing the crew for the day’s route, and noticed that a recently joined blonde stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”The...
2 tags
13 hilarious construction mistakes
Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
Smart Dean
Four MBA students were boozing late into the night and did not study for a test that was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt, and went up to the dean and said “We had gone to a wedding yesterday night, and on our way back, the tyre of our car burst. We had to push the car all the...
2 tags
Joke on Software Industry
Employees of a Software Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in Loud discussions during office time…..Some Trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, Theyasks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Manager .They’re asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise...
2 tags
Smart Teacher vs Smart Student
See the full gallery on posterous Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »
2 tags
A rumor
Question: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive and rich man?Answer. A rumour ;-) Posted via email from jokulu | Comment »